Evening, Morning

When Day Is Done

If the day is done,
if birds sing no more,
if the wind has flagged tired,
then draw the veil of darkness thick upon me,
even as thou has wrapt the earth with the coverlet of sleep
and tenderly closed the petals of the drooping lotus at dusk.

From the traveler,
Whose sack of provisions is empty before the voyage is ended,
whose garment is torn and dust-laden,
whose strength is exhausted,
remove shame and poverty,
and renew his life like a flower under the cover of thy kindly night.

A Passing Breeze

Yes, I know, this is nothing but thy love,
O beloved of my heart---this golden light that dances upon the leaves,
these idle clouds sailing across the sky,
this passing breeze leaving its coolness upon my forehead.

The morning light has flooded my eyes---this is thy message to my heart.
Thy face is bent from above, thy eyes look down on my eyes,
and my heart has touched thy feet.


-Rabinadrath Tagore

Swine Flu Movie Review

This week I felt a bit like Rip Van Winkle. Monday I went to sleep and then Tuesday through now were a hazy blur of coughing, watching movies, and vegging out, H1N1-style. Yep, Tuesday morning I awoke with a strange sore throat and cough. Each day I truly intended to recover to full health but didn’t. It was a lost week. Today I’m feeling more myself, and am washing sheets, dishes, airing the place out.

Though the week took me away from my responsibilities, it left me in a medicine-hush, glued to the small screen to catch up on movies lent to me by kind friends. These aren’t necessarily new or great. They are just what I watched this week. My week, in movies:

Charlie Bartlett
Charlie Bartlett is a wealthy prep-school boy with too much inventive energy for his own good. After being kicked out of yet another prep-school, Charlie has to try his hand at public high school. He is beaten up by bullies, but turns the situation around, becoming business partners with the bullies and selling prescription medications (like ritilin and anti-anxiety meds) to the other kids at school. In the process, he becomes a bit of a shrink and guru to much of the student body, because he chooses to listen to the other students in their struggles. The movie looks at themes of needing to be liked (by teens and adults who are acting like teens in their need to be liked), kids having to parent their parents and coming into adulthood. In my swine-flu state, I liked lots about the movie, but the last 15 minutes didn’t do much for me. The movie seemed to look in the eyes of all the problems in its character’s lives, and like the overly-permissive, buddy parents portrayed, leave us with nothing more than a warbling, “Do what you feel.”

The Devil Wears Prada
This “Cinderella at work” tale, of a normal girl working in a high powered fashion magazine office (with an evil and controlling boss), was actually lots of fun to watch. I thought Anne Hathaway did a great job at showing her struggles with the demands of her work, then buying into it, and selling out. The movie toys with questions of materialism, inner and outer beauty but never becomes heavy-handed. The question we are all asking Anne Hathaway’s character by the end, is “How far are you willing to go? How much you are willing to take?” Well done, a light movie that doesn’t leave you feeling empty!

Zoolander
Funny, funny, I never get tired of seeing Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson together. This is just a silly movie about a ridiculous male model, being turned into an assassin by the evil Mugutu. I rewatched this one, but fell asleep somewhere in the middle. “Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?”

Lars and the Real Girl
I don’t know if it was the illness or the movie, but I found myself crying through this tale of one man’s “mental illness” and grief, and his community’s care for him. It was definitely worth seeing; with themes of loving others, loneliness, family, and loss. Lars is isolated and anxious, and mostly responds to others with blank stares and by retreating. He finds an imaginary friend who can help bridge his way back into community. Bianca, his “friend” (who happens to be a life-sized doll), is fake, so she will never die, and will stay with him forever. Having someone by his side seems to ease Lars’ anxiety about coming back into connection with people. This movie is gentle and loving- really well done!

Girl With A Pearl Earring
This is a beautifully filmed movie about a girl who becomes a maid in the house of Vermeer, the painter. I must confess, that though it appeared interesting, and each camera shot was like a beautiful painting, I fell asleep (watching the paint dry). Maybe I’ll pick it up some other time! Or maybe not? I don't know.

Once
This one I watched with friends before, so now I’ve seen it twice. It’s a goody if you like Ireland, movies about musicians trying to make it big, romantic angst, or un-hollywood endings. I like at least three of those, so I like this movie!

***

The good news is my swine flu appears to be in remission. The bad(?) news is I probably won’t be watching any movies for awhile. (Well, I’m planning to see “Where the Wild Things Are” soon.) What can a movie based on an eleven-sentence children’s book be like? That remains to be seen!

In the meantime “I SURVIVED THE SWINE FLU OF 2009!”

Saying Goodbye

It was a strange and sad weekend, but ultimately for the good of all. This weekend, my pesky, little cat moved to a kindly couple’s farm in rural Illinois. It was not a decision made lightly. Though I was very fond of his companionship, his ability to play fetch, and his warm, furry self in the wintertime, Larry was also mean to all guests who came through, and made weekend visitors very uncomfortable. He wouldn’t be afraid of people and run hide; he would be afraid of people, and rush to attack and intimidate. It’s actually a wonder I kept him as long as I did, but I usually would just lock him in a bedroom until my visitors left.

Now he will be able to run and play outside to his hearts content, and his new owner has a good heart and understanding of cat behavior. God’s provision of a safe home for a mean little cat like Larry is certainly encouraging to me. Maybe there is a place for everyone. (I think of kids I’ve known in worse circumstances, and say a little prayer).

Today I’m doing a deep clean- getting all the little piles of cat hair that used to collect despite my best intentions. I keep noticing all the ways I adapted myself to this cat when I instinctively pull the door to the basement shut behind me so he doesn’t follow, or when I open a crinkly wrapper, I find myself looking up for him to come running. It’s a bittersweet moment. I will miss him and his many cute habits. I won’t miss other things at all.

Summer Evening Walk

A friend and I were walking and talking last evening. It’s been a cool summer, but the night air was heavy and warm. We were reflecting on things… I thought about people I’ve known for a long time, people whose eyes have lost their sparkle, people who have been hurt or are sad. I thought about people I work with, and their deep struggles.

Our hearts hurt for one another, and when one falls, we aren’t ok. I thought about God as the shepherd, seeking out the lost and just how many there are… so many lambs. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the problems and the broken hearts I see around me, just by the sheer volume of pain and sad stories. Sometimes in my work, I feel submerged, like maybe I could be drowned by all the heartache around me.

Somehow in the summer air, in the light of the near-full moon, my mind shifted. The fabric of pain and suffering and sorrow was transformed, if only for that moment. I felt the treasure in knowing one another so deeply. Part of our sadness is in knowing the secret sufferings of one other. We know each other’s disappointments and losses, struggles and places of questioning.

We are incredibly rich to be known.

As a stranger in town, I could look around and say “Yeah, these people seem cool.” I could superficially pick traits about each that I like (and there are so many) but over time, in context, I also see the teardrops wear the faces down, weathering the smiles and optimism. I’m thankful not to be alone as I walk through this thing called life.

My friend and I were quiet, and looked at the moon. We shared memories of dancing here in the moonlight. We walked to the edge of a fountain. It was a clear basin, the water smelled faintly chlorinated. It didn’t look so deep. We gave one another a knowing look, and took our shoes off and stepped in. We walked around the ankle deep wading pool a bit. It felt amazing- the freshest thing we had ever felt. We grew bolder, and climbed down a waterfall of stone steps. We came to the pool at the base and she jumped in. We both submerged and then played in the waterfalls, feeling the power of the water heavy on our backs, rippling over us like laughter.

There are good moments and memories we share, too. This also is our treasure.

Sunday Afternoon

It's a sleepy kind of day. For lunch, I helped host some students from Northern Ireland and a couple kids from Alabama who had come to St. Louis for a work project with my church. I was in that mood where I could go either way, either avoid people entirely and curl up for a Sunday nap, or stretch myself a bit with hospitality. Today I chose the latter, and I was glad.

Now I'm sitting on a couch with a cup of coffee at hand, a cocker spaniel on my lap, and some friends around, noses buried in books and laptops. It's a peaceful moment.

Peaceful no more! People keep coming in the door. All friendly faces. It's spontaneously turning into a social gathering. The cocker spaniel runs to the door to greet the newcomers. Tea or coffee for everyone.

In the city, they are prepping for the All Star game. Apparently something was rained out, so the friends came from an event at the stadium. I'm going to go find a book. It's a stormy, grey day and it just sounds like the perfect thing: conversation, a good book, a cup of coffee.

Snippets

The reason I like reading better than watching video is time.... I'm a time junkie. I love choosing how I use my time. So when I'm reading a news article I can skim the boring parts and focus on the points of interest, or take a glance and decide whether or not it's worth reading. When websites and others post their news in videocasts, I get bored at the thought of wading through whatever unnecessaries are added. And often annoying little commercials get thrown in as well!

Well, we got the kayaking trip in.... that was a big "yay!" Weather and circumstances cooperated for a wonderful weekend away. Now my friend and I are imagining buying used kayaks.... maybe someday! Probably not for a long while.

The state is considering cutting funding for lots of stuff in their budget mess, of most concern to me, a great deal of cuts for human services across the board. We'll see where that leaves me and the people I serve. No immediate danger for my job, but it's an ugly scene in the world of charities, mental health services, foster care, abused children or women, senior citizens, welfare to work programs, ok, it's an ugly scene for all the people who are in the greatest need. Nice work, politicians!

Here's a mix-tape contest my friend's blog is having. For the record, I think it's an awesome idea!

And I'm very excited for a trip home, coming soon!!! The weather is supposed to be perfect, my little brother is being shipped in from the southwest, and I'm ready for family, old friends, and vacation.

That's it for this evening.

Let's Try That Again

Well, once again, my friend and I are attempting to have a kayaking adventure this weekend. This is our third and final attempt (our connection to the kayaks is moving). Her bike accident and stormy weather have gotten in the way in the past. I don’t have the heart to tell her that I’ve been headachey and nauseous all week. Today I called in to work when my morning coffee made me feel sick to my stomach. Last night I stocked up on applesauce, sprite, bananas and bread. Gentle food to soothe the tummy.

Maybe, just maybe if I rest up, I’ll be ok by tomorrow. And the weather looked to be all storms this weekend as well, but now is supposed to be dry and cool, with little fluffy clouds.

I hope it all comes together.