Sunday, January 29, 2006

Overstim...

Yep, that's how my head feels after busy days in large crowds, like I can feel the dendrites crackling from too much chatter, caffiene, background noise, human energy. I guess that's why I prefer small gatherings. Today in particular reminded of days past, where the clatter and noise become so familliar that I reach a quiet spot and pick up the phone... who to call? Nevermind, just rest awhile.

Today was a gorgeous January day of distilled, yellow sunshine, blue skies and smoky clouds. Talked to mom on the phone and it was nice; somehow knowing she is praying for me makes me feel well cared for, even across the miles. She had many questions about how her baby got around without a vehicle, and I told her how my car's performance is much improved after its visit to the shop, yet the initial problems (gasoline smell and car convulsing while starting) remain! Sometimes the mundane battles of life just feel like more trouble than they are worth. (Intermittently)...

So I decided to wait on taking my car back to the shop until it strands me on a desert highway. I figure, without a a cell phone that will be much more exciting than if I had one, or Triple-A or something. Bearing in mind that the nearest desert highway is about 500 miles away, I figure I'll be fine for a couple years; or at least till it dies in runner-up location, on my commute over the Poplar Street Bridge. (That could be fun too! Let's see how much power I have to back up traffic).

I went for a walk with an old friend, and it was pleasant. Both of us more mature than our last walk, bygones qiuckly became bygones and we said our goodbyes. I felt sad, yet hopeful for him as he prepares for a long journey. Right now he figures he can do a better job of his life than God can (and is renouncing former faith) He figures maybe if he changes his mind, God will be there waiting for him. (I know God already is, and not just idly, but will frustrate his every plan so gently, that the only place he can turn is Jesus). We had an honest talk though, and it was good. He told me that though he no longer considers himself a Christian, he still would only want to marry a deeply-believing Christian girl. I asked him what Christian girl is going to want to marry a guy who does not consider himself a Christian and who wants nothing to do with God?!? He told me he is trying not to sin too much.

By nightfall, at a crowded "plate" dinner, I felt off-key and out-of-sync, overstimulated. Had dreaded unwanted encounter and it wasn't as bad as I thought it might be.

Two interesting movies: "Before Sunrise," "Before Sunset." In that order.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Adventures in Dependency
Well, here I am carless for a weekend now. (that's "car-less," not "care-less.") I guess you can say I'm getting all kinds of healthy interdependence with people in my community, less isolated, more connected... I suppose. That stuff sounds alot better in theory than practice. I'm feeling antsy. Today I even wanted to go to work (only because I "couldn't.") At least I have a ride for tomorrow. It also didn't help that I was glued to the couch for most of the day, awaiting a call from my mechanic. ("My" as of one day ago.) It also didn't help that expected call did not arrive. So I guess tomorrow morning I will be ringing them.
All I can say is thank goodness for running, because it does do wonders on that sluggish, "I hate how long I've been sitting here"-feeling. After my afternoon run (in my favorite neighborhood) I even felt motivated to cook dinner to last the week, rather than consuming leftovers. The phone rang a few times, lifting my spirits (which were dashed every time I realized it was not my mechanic). Well, I can't say "dashed" because I was happy to hear from friends.
The truth of the matter is, it isn't that bad. It's my attitude that's bad. It's kind of sad how I can singlehandedly ruin a day off, a day of total freedom (within walking/biking distance). Ah, well. It hasn't been a total wash. It reminded me that I do, in fact, enjoy my job and that I don't, in fact, require a three-day weekend every week to rejuvenate. It also reminded me that time is much more precious when it is limited, so it is not a bad thing to be somewhat busy. (It creates that strange, small paradox: the less time I have to waste, the less time I do waste. Instead, on limited time I seem to do many more of the things I truly want to spend my time doing). I guess any day that makes me more appreciative overall, is in no way wasted.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Picture of me, Mom, Dad and Tara at Gelendalough in Ireland, Thanksgiving 2004

Another Day, Another Dollar
As much as they exhaust me, I love Thursdays. I think they are the most hopeful day of the week. The hope is for a fun weekend and a fresh start, (a none-too-imminent, fresh start). My atheist co-worker had a dream about becoming a Jew and feeling a profound sense of peace. Not sure what to make of that. Neither was he! Let's just say I doubt he's researching Judaism as a result.
My motivation keeps slipping this week. I've kind of reached the point where I just hope to make a fresh go of it next week, and chalk Friday up as a loss, too. That probably wasn't the most motivational thought for Friday. It's one of those days where the trash is stinking in the kitchen and it seems easier to not breathe too deeply, rather than to take it outside. This is the benefit of having your own place! Actually, I think there may be more benefit in taking the stinking trash out, whether I'm feelin' it or not. (I'll just envision maggots and fruit flies to inspire me.) I think it worked... goodnight!

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Worrisome, Worrisome

Well, today in my line of work met with one of my kids who described to me exactly what her experience is... (She described as having about seven different "brains" in her head that she couldn't control). Came home and Larry burrowed his head under the rug. Isn't that the easiest thing to do sometimes? Poor girl, she begged me for a solution, which of course I could not provide (as problems such as seven different brains in one head are not quickly, nor easily resolved). But enough about that, simply because a public forum is not the place to air such concerns.

Fortunately, the latest subscription to Reader's Digest (thanks to Mom and Dad) arrived in the mail, allowing me to slip into the coma of frozen pizza and "Laughter, the Best Medicine" as well as "That's Outrageous!" and "Everyday Heros." After a couple hours I felt sufficiently calm (i.e. numb) and added my drawing to the year's collection.

This year, due to popular demand (for resolution), a new "New Year's Resolution" was made. I decided to make a drawing every day and record them in my sketchbook. TANYA MARK made an excellent point, that some of the drawings could add a little color to this space. (Thank you, Tanya. You are an inspiration.)

Alright, enough blathering for one day.
Topic of concern for future posting: Road Rage (my own).
Have you ever seriously considered using your car as a battering ram and felt that it was justified to teach the other driver a lesson? (Yes, several times, actually, but I had the right of way!)
You may be suffering from a condition known as "Road Rage."

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Here it is!
Decided to go ahead and set up my own blog, so I can randomly generate thoughts to join the masses and keep people who don't care updated on the minutae of my life. Hopefully it won't just be one more thing for me and any readers to waste our time on.

I figure, this way, those who want to keep in touch don't have to make actual contact. And if I want to talk, I don't need an actual listener. Call it virtual communication. Call it an exercise in isolation. We'll see, maybe it will be a fun little forum to post pictures, etc. Who knows! (Who cares?)