Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Free Time, Me Time

Chicken and dumplings simmer on the stove. It’s one last “cool-weather meal” to warm heart and body on these rainy days of spring. The trees have responded with bursts of green applause.

Today’s one of those “I prayed and you answered” sort of days. It was just a simple request, uttered about lunchtime and answered not long thereafter. Not an important request, but a reminder that God is very kind, and cares about our hearts.

This weekend I took days off, and I had so many ambitious plans for my time! At some point, ambition petered out and I was just sad. My little motivational engine just couldn’t. I need people. A phone call, and hour of coffee and conversation later, all was well. I paid some visits to folks, I did some other things I needed to do… got together with people. Then Sunday was a little structured with lots of interaction and was great! Monday, off work, and again, by about 4 pm I was done being solitary and motivated, and was just bummed, downright depressed. I can’t do it! I can’t stay all day alone in my apartment getting odd jobs done! Must leave and see the world! Must walk/run/drive/interact with some other life form during the day besides my cat! I should have remembered that from earlier days of living alone in grad school. Always, always, always leave your apartment at some time of day, for some errand, no matter how banal. Very important for sanity. It’s so funny how when living with others, they always seem to be getting in the way of “getting things done”- so distracting! But the truth is, we need those distractions and will create them regardless.

Reminds me of Dostoevsky. He often has characters who forget how to interact with people and slowly go crazy, do things like murder someone. Important to remember if you live alone.

Naw, I’m having a little fun at this point. But it made me appreciate “back to work.” For some reason, when I have unlimited freedom, I find it so de-motivating. A deadline is so much more compelling than all the time in the world, and I’m not quite sure why. In the same way, having many hours of my week taken up by non-negotiable tasks makes the free hours sooo sweet, and I use them well. When that’s not the case, it’s hard to be my own taskmaster. I fritter away and then fret about my wastefulness, but I still have a hard time allowing myself to just relax, do something like read a novel or watch a movie. I always look around at everything that needs doing, or things that seem more meaningful.

But that’s that. The dumplings are done. It’s time for rest.

Saturday, April 11, 2009


On this Easter's eve,
Thank you, Jesus
for all the good gifts we have,
but most of all for your death,
so that we can have life.

As long as we are still living,
may we lay down everything
for the sake of bringing honor
to the name of Jesus.


Thursday, April 09, 2009

Task-Task-Task Oriented Today

This week I'm feeling crafty. Not in the mischief sense (that was last week, April Fools) but in the artistic, nesting sense. My creative energies are running in these directions right now:
  • hand beading some earrings in anticipation of when I'm "allowed" to wear the dangly type. (I forgot that I could get my ears pierced till this winter when suddenly I remembered I'm not locked into a bad experience I had as an 8-yr-old.)
  • new paint for the living room
  • new artwork/decorations for contrast with new paint in living room
  • on a wave of cooking Thai food... first a basil noodle dish, and then a red pepper chicken stir fry. With the International Grocery so close at hand.... mmmm mmm, tasty dishes are just a few steps away!
For some reason I really want taupe-colored walls, white trim, with contrasting artwork of corals and alizarin red. We'll see how it all turns out, but in my minds eye, I already see it, and I'm feeling restless to make it happen. I think it will make the white, wooly rug just "pop!" And my pale-celadon green couch. All the people who can't see my mind's eye are cautioning me against my paint color. Too late! Already purchased! So part of me wants to paint it to test it out. If it's a disaster, it's just a rental!

I keep getting distracted by other things though, like the springtime, friends, work and sleep, facebook, what can I say? Pathetic! :) Ah well.

Today for work, we went into a school and led 4 classroom sessions to educate students on some relationship stuff. It was actually fun. (7th grade boys and girls, can you believe it?! Fun?) But so exhausting! My feet were so tired from standing 4 hours straight, walking around, my brain so tired! I could never be a teacher! But God bless those who can and do!