Monday, May 09, 2011

Twelve Days

This morning, I'm awake before dawn. It's dark out, and the fan blows mild May breezes over me. I decide to get up, and enjoy a breakfast of several clementine oranges and coffee on the balcony.

There is much to do today. After much agonizing, striving, and finally peace, I have a new job. It's a different setting with a different population, but it's still what I went to school to do, and enjoy. So many reasons to be thankful.

But I'm not in my new job yet. The next two weeks will be wrapping up the old. Terminating with all my clients is like breaking up, over a period of 2 and a half weeks, with 25 or so people. I've walked with all these people, to varying degrees, for a while now, some for years. I've grown to love them, in the midst of their stories. Walking away means trusting that God over them is greater, and that it is not me who sustains. Walking away means acknowledging that I am just a humble dispenser of any good that happened in that office, not the source. It means trusting people, in the dignity given them by God, to have their own inner resources, and to be ok, by God's grace. It keeps me from becoming self-important as a helper. And it's hard.

I'm so thankful for a weekend that took me completely outside that world of work. Time to go back. Two more weeks.

3 comments:

Neil E. Das said...

Lovely, thoughtful post, Heidi, especially with its humble acknowledgment of God being in control. God bless the last days.

Meg said...

love your thoughts, Heidi. i started a new position (same agency, but different clients) last Monday, so i relate to a lot of your thoughts about saying goodbye to clients and wrestling with feelings of self-importance vs. trusting God in that process. also curious to hear about your new job. blessings on your final week!

angela said...

yes! you are back. can't wait to hear more!